you moron

why the hell did you tell me to go there?
are you completely RETARDED!

you're lucky this anger at you pulled me out of the place I was in (which was the place of extreme distruction, self-loathing, with STRONG need to cut)- which THAT place was a response to the place you TOLD me to go (the anti-place or whatever the shit that place is).
You;'re fucking lucky!!!['agqvd
Fuck im back
it makes we wann beat you to a pulp (really it makes me want to beat FIRST whatever is in front of me right now, THEN myself...to a pulp.)
I hate you
pSDKFJDHS
YOU DONT KNOW WHAT DESTRUCTION HAS BEEN DONE AND CAN BE DONE WITH THIS FEELING (BROKEN COMPUTERS, LOTS OF GLASS, DOORS, PICTURE FRAMES, RUINED A LOT OF SHIT, AND IT ALSO DESTROYS MY SOUL.
i FUCKING LOSE IT

fuck

Fuck this shit
I'm no-fucking-where
Where the fuck am I?
WHERE!
this is shitty
ahh!!!!!!!!
i fucking dont exist
why the fuck am i supposed to FEEL and SIT WITH my "non-existance"?
WHY?
It just sounds like torture to me!
FEEL that you feel SHITTY!
this isnt even FEELING
the feelings that i had yesterday we ok to experience
these are NOT that way
they are not feelings
they are the pain of the lack of anything
pain different from emotional pain
you can SIT in emotional pain, express it, and ull feel better afterwards
But THIS shit?
This shit NEVER feels better afterwards!
It doesnt have a sort of limited span (of its feelability and expressability)
There is no relief involved (with emotions there is)
Emotions are safe to feel because you have a self to fucking feel them
this is different and not even in the same REALM of a category!
if you've never experienced it, ur REALLY fortunate and lucky
You;ll never know this kind of existential pain (pain isnt even the right word...not necesarily because of its extremeness, but because its something DIFFERENT, ALTOGETHER.
this isnt safe...
im out